VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
