So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
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I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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