he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
