I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
