Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
