if i can run in heels then i can drive
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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