I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
