Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
