I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
