I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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