life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
