is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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