I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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