Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
