u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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