I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
