What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
