and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
