She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My liver just had a heart attack.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
soo... how was my night?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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