Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
farters have to be the big spoon...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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