i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
His nipple licking is glorious
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