Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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