dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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