Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
