I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
