I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
