i already hear my dad disowning me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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