tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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