is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
