Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i permit you to call me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How naked do you want me to be?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
