I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
