I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
