I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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