What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
