omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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