if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
