I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
