It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
