remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
