even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
