I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
