HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
