As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
