If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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