You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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