the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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