I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
