what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
