Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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