I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
