dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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