census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
