I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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