Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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