i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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