Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
