mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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