He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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