hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
