I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
