Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
