So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
