Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
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How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
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I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize