You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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