I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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