You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
