My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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