Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Randomize
