Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
