Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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