No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
