i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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