I can tuck mytits in my pants
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
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He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
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Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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