Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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