Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
