and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
