Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Randomize
