dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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