I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
