from now on my penis is your penis
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Green mimosas i think yes
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
