onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
