How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we're making bets on your personal life
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
