How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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