member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Can you bring me the toilet please
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
