We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
